It is currently Thu Dec 18, 2014 7:28 pm

All times are UTC - 5 hours




Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 145 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next
Author Message
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 9:22 am 
Offline
Obsessed-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:47 am
Posts: 3164
Location: Just who the hell do you think I am?!
Listening To: Muse
Reading: Wut- Sy's new name.
Eating: Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Drinking: Death
Playing: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4
And I (again), if it's not too much trouble?

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Sat Dec 04, 2010 10:12 am 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:48 pm
Posts: 331
Location: Take a left from Canada. You can't miss it.
Gender: Male
Playing: Life isn't a game. Its a place for fun.
Dr Pumpkin is now number 13 and Renzokuken is number 14.
son44: We're not going to have it on the new forum. I decided to just make another one on this forum and split the people in it so that it goes around more quickly. I might make one on the new forum sometime, but right now I'm still pretty confused with the website.

I'm about to post another thread of improve your writing skills. Here are the people that are going to be moving to it (unless anyone has an objection for some reason?) This is also the order that you go in.
1. angel_dreamer
2. Celestial-Fox
3. Del
4. jaidurn
5. Zizi
6. goggy
7. brain132

You can comment on other people's stories even if they are in a different group.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 3:29 pm 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:07 am
Posts: 276
Gender: Male
Listening To: Stuff
Reading: Stuff
Eating: Stuff
Drinking: Stuff
Playing: Stuff
I'm still working DX Almost done though

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:21 pm 
Offline
Mega-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:19 am
Posts: 1045
Location: It doesn't matter where I am; it's how I got in your house that matters
Gender: Female
Listening To: Something Japanese
Reading: Fanfictions
Drinking: Chocolate milk
Come on, I wrote mine in about twenty minutes. :P

_________________
Do not click here, here or even here. Or I will cry. :cry:


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:24 pm 
Offline
Obsessed-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2010 6:47 am
Posts: 3164
Location: Just who the hell do you think I am?!
Listening To: Muse
Reading: Wut- Sy's new name.
Eating: Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
Drinking: Death
Playing: Shin Megami Tensei: Persona 4
Cut him slack, gog, he types a key every twenty minutes.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 11:11 am 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:07 am
Posts: 276
Gender: Male
Listening To: Stuff
Reading: Stuff
Eating: Stuff
Drinking: Stuff
Playing: Stuff
Renzokuken wrote:
Cut him slack, gog, he types a key every twenty minutes.


...... How did you know that.....

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:11 pm 
Offline
Obsessed-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:25 pm
Posts: 3083
Location: Alaska. D8
Gender: Female
Lol, poor Son!


Oh, I forgot to comment on this. I really, really liked it. The way it come full-circle at the end is great, too. I have a thing for Death as a character in stories. Have you ever read The Book Thief by Markus Zusak? It's narrated by death, and it's really good.

Formal critique will come when I get home. :D

_________________
ArtThread | deviantART | Tumblr.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:14 pm 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:48 pm
Posts: 331
Location: Take a left from Canada. You can't miss it.
Gender: Male
Playing: Life isn't a game. Its a place for fun.
In think I'll try reading that book.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:24 pm 
Offline
Obsessed-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:25 pm
Posts: 3083
Location: Alaska. D8
Gender: Female
It's very poetic. I prefer Zusak's other book, I am the Messenger (which is set in Australia, and the main character is hilarious--kinda reminds me of Aether), but it's still good.

_________________
ArtThread | deviantART | Tumblr.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:27 pm 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:07 am
Posts: 276
Gender: Male
Listening To: Stuff
Reading: Stuff
Eating: Stuff
Drinking: Stuff
Playing: Stuff
Finally i'm finished. Haven't given this one a title yet. *Sigh* I wish i had less school and more time DX

Spoiler! :
”...Seems like we’re going to have a beautiful flight towards...” He didn’t pay much attention to what the pilot said. After a certain amount of plane trips you don’t really pay attention to what the pilot tells you. Same thing happens when you use the train every day or the bus. Looking out the window he could see the airfield disappear beneath in a grey-blue morning fog.

“Well, I suppose we could have something drink”. She lifted her eyebrows “What is the point? You will get enough drink at the lunch, the dinner...” He interrupted her “Hold on, I did not mean alcohol. Paul, do we have any soda onboard?” Paul nodded “Yes sir, I think so.” He disappeared behind a brown wooden bar counter. A door was opened, a small clunk, something pouring out, a door being carefully closed and glasses being moved. “Here you go, sir”. He took a sip of the soda “Thank you Paul, you can go.” The doo was closed and a brief silence followed.

“So, what should we do for Christmas? Seems like Ted doesn’t have any plans, Robert says he isn’t brawling too hard with the Dixies and Eunice will most likely be there, like always. I’m guessing we’re going to stay at the same place, like we did last year” She smiled. He remembered last Christmas: The snow, the presents, the family. He looked forward to it, but he had to remind himself of not mention anything about work. Last time they ended up working, during the dinner, instead of relaxing and enjoying themselves.

A small cloud passed below the plane and he could see the fields below. Some were green, some yellow and some totally black. The interior of the plane was bathed in shadow and only light from the outside poured in. The wooden panels inside were vibrating from time to time. Looking out the window he saw a bird, an eagle, below the plane. Where was it going to? What was it looking for? Why? He watched the eagle circle around, dive below a cloud and then emerge above it. “Jack!!” He jumped.
Suddenly he noticed him. “Sir, I’m still not giving up on this. You might be the chief, but you can’t just throw around your only protection. First it’s the bubble top and now this.” The man sat down. “Roy, I understand that you’re concerned with my safety, but I need to see them. I can’t just sit protected like a paranoid king, you know that I need to improve my standing in this area and besides we should have enough protection.” Jack crossed his arms. Roy stared at him. Small wrinkles started to appear on his forehead, but he just shook his head. “... Fine...”

As soon as Roy had closed the door two men entered. “So you’re still not listening to them?” Jack smiled “No, but Lyndon, did bring the documents?” “I’ll leave you alone” Jacqueline went to other cabin. The second man opened his suitcase and gave him a document. “You just need to sign this.” And he gave Jack a pen. A few seconds later; “Here you go.” Jack handed him the signed document. “It’s only a draft, but hopefully we can implement it next year.” Lyndon nodded and smiled “Yes, hopefully we can.” The man left the room. “So, Jack, have you thought about what we’re going to do with the problem in the east?” “No, I’m still thinking about that one.” Jack looked out the window. The eagle was gone. It was most likely above them since the plan was relatively close to the ground. “Take care, Jack and watch your face out there.” Jack looked questioningly at him.

He looked outside again and saw a group of children and two old men with shotguns. They were all standing around a black and white figure that was lying on the ground. It was an eagle.

“...Ladies and gentlemen, we are approaching the airfield, please....” He strapped himself into the seat, being careful not to mess up the blue suit. “Honey, you have something in your face.” Jacqueline had entered the cabin without him noticing. She wiped Jack’s face with a small towel, combed his hair and looked into his gray eyes. Something touched his lips.

The plane landed with a small bump. The door to the plane was opened. A huge crowd roared and cheered. A man came up the stairs and shook his hand “Welcome to Dallas, Mr President”.

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 6:34 pm 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:48 pm
Posts: 331
Location: Take a left from Canada. You can't miss it.
Gender: Male
Playing: Life isn't a game. Its a place for fun.
Quote:
“Well, I suppose we could have something drink”.

You mean something to drink right?

I would suggest that you work on detail. Such as what the people look like that are talking to him. And you seem to take the story at a fast paste (This is when detail can also help). I'll see if there's more to say later. I'm a bit tired right now.

I'll check both of them out Celestial-Fox :) I'll tell you what I think once I've read them.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 5:12 am 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Apr 08, 2010 1:07 am
Posts: 276
Gender: Male
Listening To: Stuff
Reading: Stuff
Eating: Stuff
Drinking: Stuff
Playing: Stuff
Brain132 wrote:
Quote:
“Well, I suppose we could have something drink”.

You mean something to drink right?

I would suggest that you work on detail. Such as what the people look like that are talking to him. And you seem to take the story at a fast paste (This is when detail can also help). I'll see if there's more to say later. I'm a bit tired right now.

I'll check both of them out Celestial-Fox :) I'll tell you what I think once I've read them.


Typos... Typos.... Typos.... xD

and yeah, i should have added more details. Luckily this is a "first draft" and i'm here to get som Flak and help at the same time

_________________
Image


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Sun Dec 12, 2010 11:47 am 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:48 pm
Posts: 331
Location: Take a left from Canada. You can't miss it.
Gender: Male
Playing: Life isn't a game. Its a place for fun.
Hey, just wondering. But has the most of everyone been busy lately? It seems that in both improve your writing skills threads, no one has really been commenting on other people's short stories.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 2:49 am 
Offline
Obsessed-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Mon Apr 05, 2010 10:25 pm
Posts: 3083
Location: Alaska. D8
Gender: Female
Yeaaaah, definitely. It's finals time in school and the weight's comin' down hard.

_________________
ArtThread | deviantART | Tumblr.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: Improve your writing skills
PostPosted: Tue Dec 14, 2010 9:27 am 
Offline
Fan's-Fan
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jun 24, 2010 4:48 pm
Posts: 331
Location: Take a left from Canada. You can't miss it.
Gender: Male
Playing: Life isn't a game. Its a place for fun.
Yeah, we'll just halt right here with son until they're over.


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Forum locked This topic is locked, you cannot edit posts or make further replies.  [ 145 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1 ... 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10  Next

All times are UTC - 5 hours


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group