Ok so a guy walks into a Bakery, "Hi can I have a bum?"
The shopkeeper replies, "Dont you mean a bun?"
The guy then counters with "Yes exactly a bum,"
The Keeper shakes his head handing him the bun.
Anywho he then goes down to the hardware shop,
"Hi there, can I have on Phucket (Fuckit),"
The shopkeeper replies, "Don't you mean a bucket?"
The guy says, similar to before, "Yes exactyly a Phuckit"
The shopkeeper shakes his head handing him the bucket.
Now he finally goes to the pet store,
"Hi ma'am can I please order a cok'n'spankit?"
She replies, "Dont you mean a silly goose?"
He says back "Yes exactly a Cok'n'spankit!"
She shakes her head, passing the dog in a cage over to him.

He eventually makes his way to the park and asks a young lad passing by for assistance....
"Excuse me champ, can you please hold my Bum and Phukit, while I find my silly goose'n'spankit?"

Watch and enjoy

pull the pin out of it and throw it back

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"