Hi!!!!!! Thank you to anyone actually taking time to read this

Okay, so here's kind of the main idea:

Genre: fantasy, shojo
Synopsis: djinn run across a girl who for some reason can withstand their touch, which should burn any normal human, but she is being protected by an arch angel (kind of angels vs. demons idea)
Characters:
Main: Rose Foster - average american girl, except she isn't burned by the touch of a djinn, and she has an angel watching over her
Ahzur - angel who protects Rose Foster
Sunfire - djinn who becomes obsessed with trying to figure out Rose's secret while on a trip to the surface with his cousin
Seaflame - the younger cousin of Sunfire, who ends up getting pulled into the mess because her cousin screws up her visit to the surface


I'll think of some other characters later, but I haven't had to include them in the story yet, so I haven't bothered thinking about them much.

Okay, so I wanted to wait until I had the first chapter, but I take a long time and I wanted to make sure I was doing these okay. So, without further ado, here are the first 10 pages of Open Flame:











Since I've never tried drawing this style before, I'd really like to see what people think of how I'm doing it. Advice would be loved! Also, of course, you can comment on the storyline too. Please just tell me whatever you think!

nice so far

Thanks!

Next 3 pages. I'm really writing this at the speed of a dying slug, but oh well.





Please, please comment if you have anything to say. Like, even if it's "God, this is rank, why do you waste your time?" at least I'll have some idea of what people think. Oh yeah, and I noticed I didn't fill in the shading for the hair on that last frame.

And fyi, next time I post, there's going to be action in it, so yeah. But that might take me a while since I'm just getting used to this.

Art: Needs a little work, but it's functional for the story.
Story: I'm a little lost and don't really know what to think. Perhaps you should think about not intorducing so many elements and characters all at once. I know how it feels to want to cram all your beloved characters into the story ASAP but you really shouldn't. It takes us readers some time to get to know a new character and throwing them and all your story elements in at once makes the reader feel like we're suddenly in a huge unknown crowd. It should feel more like we're gradualy gaining a group of friends.
Panels: They get a tad repetitive over time. Try reading some comics and copying those panels and experimenting a little.

Read it, enjoyed it, curious to see where it goes ;b

Art: Already know about the art, I'm writing this as an excuse to work on it and attempt to get better.
Story: Kk, I'll slow down with plot elements and characters and such, which shouldn't be hard because I've reached the end of all major characters anyway, and well...the basic plot has been introduced.
Panels: I'll study the 6 manga books I have to see how other people do it, and see if I can get a hold of some others.

Thanks! The advice on the story is nice b/c I've only ever written umm...normal stories, like text, before, so I don't know what kind of pace to go at with this. Definitely gonna look at some paneling.